You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Verdict: uncircumcised.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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