At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
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