I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
