belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize