I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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