You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize