Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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