Define "chronic" masturbator.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
