Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
