i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
