If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize