I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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