sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
