it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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