He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
