he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
