I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
