he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
