respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
where does the pee come out of this thing
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Randomize