Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
