Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Randomize
