You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
