in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
