yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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