i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
