One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Randomize
