if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
