I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
