im drinking this country out of the recession.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
