Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
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