Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
