You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
