My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
