She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
