I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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