Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
