I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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