First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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