I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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