I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
