It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
You have to summon your inner elephant
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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