the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize