I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
