Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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