I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
