if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
