i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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