I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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