if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
