i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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