she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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