There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
