Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize