I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
