so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Randomize
