Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
