You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
