The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
