During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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