32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
