Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
