I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
