Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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