I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
