I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
