K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
