There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
