the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
