come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
