Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
