she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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