I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
