yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
