At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
So many bounce houses so little time
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
