smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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