Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize