highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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