If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
