I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I'm sobbing to NWA
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
