OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
