I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
