from now on my penis is your penis
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
