dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize