so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
