I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I look better un-naked...
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Text me some of your sweat
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
