he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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