Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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