Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
