All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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